My mind is all over the place. Went to sleep about 10 last night and was up at 3:30. It was a unusual busy day yesterday, running around helping my daughter, fetching groceries as well as the daily things. The worst part was having to put our 12 year old Sable to sleep due to her cancer. We could not let her go through the pain of this horrible disease. She is with our other dogs now doing, what happy dogs do together while blessing us with their companionship and the love of their lives we could afford for them.

The physical pain she was going through is now gone. All dogs do go to heaven. As time passes the emotional and mental pain we have been going through will recede. We will never forget them.

This has caused me to reflect on my past and what the future may bring. From the good things that brought happiness and joy to the horrible things that still make me shudder when I think about them. The fantastic memory of bringing a child into this world to spending time in the county jail and not just for DUI. They are all what has made me and will continue to do.

I do know that passsing on from this world with all the happy and fun times along with the mundane through to the horrific stuff that happens on a daily basis will all eventually end. When I pass on to the Kingdom of Heaven to live with my higher power, the God of christianity, where there will be no sadness, loathing, hate and the evils that permiate the world. There will be love, joy and happiness seeing and being with those I love to the people that believe as I do.

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I cannot change the past but I can remember it to use what I have experieced, both the good and bad, to try to make my life and those around me better. The courage is to know that I very well might be diagnosed with early throat cancer and the fact that I will having surgery on my heart to repair a necessray natural condition all people have while in the womb that somehow decided to not just go away as it does in most everyone. Instead of having negative thoughts about what could happen in the coming months I have commited myself to facing them with a thoughtful and optomistic attitude.

I know that my God has given me these defects so that He can work through me to show what great things He can bring to pass when you believe in Him as I do. I do not know what that will be so all I choose to do is follow His lead as best as this flawed person can. The times will certainly be trying but with Him by my side I will perceiver.

At yesterday’s online meeting a gentleman shared something that hit me that caused me a prolonged introspection. I’m still processing it and am at the point to figure out how I need to address this without hurting those involved which are my four siblings. I need to keep praying about how to address this. Don’t know when I’ll be able to resolve this but with God’s will I’ll get there.

Some thoughts about today’s meeting.

For me living is a never ending baseball game where the opposition, life, keeps tying the game. It’s between innings 67/68. My HP is still pitching but now I’m finally playing as He has wanted me to. The hard part has been sludging through my memories digging for the pockets of bad things I had done to others so that I can make ameneds to them. It’s a long list with only a few that I can actually reach out to. The others I am unable to find and others yet that I wiould hurt if I contacted them to apologize.